Monday, June 19, 2017

Harvesters of Souls

With the growth of Har Bracha's christian missionary population, they might want to consider new slogans to cater to their growing demographic. Here are a few of my own. Top Ten Reasons to come to Har Bracha:

"So come to Har Bracha....

  • because its not just for Jews anymore! (Focuses on the changing neighborhood.)
  • because the father is coming and there are too many Jews here! (Emphasizes a call to action, letting the neighbors know that there are opportunities for more lebensraum, and a chance to add diversity to the yishuv.)
  • because the Don Finto wing to the yeshiva is almost completed! (State of the art modern renovations.)
  • its a nice place to work on your "Jew skills". (Emphasizes communal respect for adopting Jewish customs without looking like an absolute extra from "The Life of Brian".)
  • because our greedy vintner Pharisees need you. (More controversial tactic, using anti-Semitic motifs to give the harvesters some colorful villains)
  • because Tommy Waller spoke to Rabbi Melamed and he said that he wasn't a missionary anymore. (Very convincing as long as you don't read Hayovel's Facebook page or go touring with them in America.)
  • because David Haivri Axelrod, that renowned expert on christian theology assures us that Hayovel aren't missionaries,and that we should ignore the evidence. (As long as one is a committed hasbarite, and  one accepts the assurance that a man whose claim to fame is his christian following on Twitter knows anything about evangelism; this might work.)
  • where you can ogle pretty shiksa volunteers, and know one is the wiser. You are merely supervising the harvest. (Downside: The wives may not like it.)
  • a happy community for believers of the prophecies. (See what I did there? A universal message.)
  • because it's not just about the money! (Assurances that its not just a call for free labor.)
In the interest of accuracy, I cannot confirm whether this is a photograph from Har Bracha or Sumerisle. An argument can be made for both. 

What the hell is going on in the Shomron? And how in G-d's name did Rabbi Melamed allow missionaries to move into cottages in his yishuv? An unpardonable sin, the likes we have never seen before. A stumbling block with his official hechsher on it. 

Daati Leumi messianism run amuck. No other way to sugarcoat it. The result of abandoning rational halacha and running with mysticism. Today they read the holy words of the Neviim, through the corrupt pagan lens of the evangelical.


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"Hayovel" and the Wallers